Resolve conflict peacefully, outside the courts! Often when conflict escalates between married couples, families, neighbors, co-workers, or simply two private citizens, communication breaks down and emotions obscure the real issues.  While many turn to the courts for resolution, there are other less expensive, peaceful ways to resolve these disputes,  mediation and facilitation with Volunteers of America Dispute Resolution Center.

Mediation:  resolving conflict between individuals 

There is an alternative to the formal legal system, a voluntary and confidential process where a neutral mediator helps parties in conflict reach a mutually satisfying agreement.  Mediators will assist parties in communicating with each other and encourage everyone to collaboratively problem solve a resolution that meets everyone’s needs.  As a point of fact, the majority - nearly 70% - of the mediations Dispute Resolution Center conducts involve marriage dissolutions and parenting plans. 

Facilitation:  resolving conflict between groups

This process refers to the managing of interpersonal dynamics within a group of people.  Facilitation can be used with larger groups who are in conflict, for example several community members discussing the creation of a new, controversial building in their area or with smaller groups who simply needs some structure and assistance, for example a 10 person staff meeting.

Benefits to mediation and facilitation

• Win/Win solutions
• Create your own solutions
• Rebuild relationships
• Private and confidential
• Much faster than court system
• Less costly than litigation
• High settlement rate

The process works!  Mary and John learn to listen to each other

Mary and John had been married for six years before they grew apart and decided to end their marriage. They had a little four-year-old daughter named Jenny.  There was both sadness and acceptance on both their parts. They had separated and Mary had filed for divorce four months before coming to Dispute Resolution Center to work out their parenting plan for Jenny.

John breezed into the mediation stating that this was probably only going to take about a half hour. He said, "We have our visitation schedule all worked out. I have Jenny every Wednesday evening from 5:00 pm to 8:00 pm and then she spends every other weekend with me from 5:00 Friday evening until 5:00 Sunday evening. That’s working great, so let’s just write it up."

Mary had a different perspective. In an angry voice she said, "This is not working out well. You pick up Jenny every Wednesday and take her to McDonalds. She plays out in their play yard while you read a newspaper. Then you pick her up on the weekends and take her to your place and park her in front of the TV while you go out to the garage and work on your truck - or you take her to your girlfriend’s house and leave her there while you and your buddies go bowling. She’s not with you at all! And then I have to deal with her pain when she comes home and tells me that you don’t love her any more! If that’s the way that it’s going to be for the next 14 years, just walk out of her life! Don’t put her through that!"

Mary’s words ’blew John away’!  Tears came to his eyes as he struggled with his emotions. The mediators remained silent and let him have the time he needed to compose himself enough to say, "I had no idea that was how Jenny was feeling! You are right - that’s what I have been doing - and I love her and I can’t walk away. I guess we have some things to talk about after all."

That interchange was a turning point in their lives. John and Mary were able to sit down with the mediators, talk about their love for their child and how they were going to actively parent her now that they were going their separate ways.