Even though everything looks fine from the outside, you know you aren’t OK, and it’s OK. It will still be a little while before you understand that you have been struggling with Post Partum Anxiety (on top of existing, undiagnosed anxiety) for more than five years, the whole time you’ve been a mother.
Soon, you will get help, and medications, and you will wish you had both much earlier in life. You will mourn the time and experiences lost to struggles with mental health, but you will be both stronger and more sensitive because of your experiences, strong enough to become a vocal mental health advocate.
Your body and mind will relax, your fears will recede, and your intrusive thoughts will quiet.
You will marvel daily at your new ability to accomplish tasks - both simple (like laundry!) and complex (like volunteer and activist leadership!). You will treasure the relationships built on your vulnerability, from sharing your experiences honestly with others. In five years, you will not believe what are able to navigate (no spoilers!).
It’s always OK to not be OK, but it can and will get better. You were (and are still!) doing your best and I am so proud of you for always showing up, and for talking about it when it’s hard. Keep talking, and just keep going. The world needs you, and your people need you. Love,
2021 Erin
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Erin's Letter to Myself is part of our "It's OK to not be OK" campaign to recognize September as National Suicide Awareness month. If you or someone you know is struggling, visit imhurting.org for 24/7 chat support or call 800-273-8255.