Hey you, I know you are going through a lot right now but I just need you to hear this. From starting off the year totaling your brand-new car, surviving another neck surgery and then somehow surviving a traumatic fall down cement stairs just weeks after surgery. Scans are good but doctors have nothing to say but “give it time”.
Some say you should “be happy you survived” and that just makes you wonder if things would have been easier for others if you didn’t. Days turn to weeks and weeks into months the constant pain that is accompanied by the medications’ mental fog of indifference. Now you have been living for months on pain medication that makes you miss out on the joys of life, not to mention the loss of independence. No camping, no fishing, no running, no board games with friends. I want you to know it is okay to not be okay. It is okay to ask for help, your friends want to help. You have helped so many over the years and now the hardest part is telling them that the pain is deeper than the diagnosis.
Your constant mental isolation from the amount of medication that it takes to numb the pain. Your inability to provide for your family and constant struggle to find anything reason to wake up day after day after day. Sleepless nights where you feel more like a burden than a husband, father or friend. I only say this so that you truly understand that I get it. I want you to know you are loved and appreciated by all of your friends and family. Things will get better. Things will improve. You are stronger than you realize, and you have so much joy to look forward to in the future.
I cannot promise the pain will go away but I can promise you that the joy will come back.
Your Future Self
Jasan's Letter to Myself is part of our "It's OK to not be OK" campaign to recognize September as National Suicide Awareness month. If you or someone you know is struggling, visit imhurting.org for 24/7 chat support or call 800-273-8255.