Life is not always full of light. Life can get dark. Life can hold you under the water until you’re ready to give up, until it has taken your oxygen and replaced it with despair and sadness.
You are going to experience this multiple times. You are going to barely tread water and at times you will feel as if you’re drowning. You are going to see things, witness things that will knock you off your feet, bruise your knees and cover your happiness with a blanket of sadness and hopelessness.
The darkness will always be apart of you but it does not define you. You will lose many but you will gain an understanding of life and its fragile beauty no longer taking it for granted. You will spend many years in therapy learning about yourself and understanding yourself. You will gain a deep understanding of mental health and you will use that knowledge to help others. You will become a beacon of light for those walking through the darkness providing a safe haven for those going through a crisis.
But, Nicole, what I’m most proud of you for is the story that you will tell every Thursday. You will create a platform to help change the way people look at mental health disorders. You will advocate for those who can’t and you will work hard to spread awareness about mental health and suicide. People will come out from many places feeling better and thanking you for being a voice, for your telling your stories about Brittany and your own. You will turn your dark story into light by continuing to light a candle for those lost in the dark.
So much love,
38 yr old Nicole
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Nicole's Letter to Myself is part of our "It's OK to not be OK" campaign to recognize September as National Suicide Awareness month. If you or someone you know is struggling, visit imhurting.org for 24/7 chat support or call 800-273-8255.